A positive trend in marriage counseling and therapy is that more couples are seeking counseling before seeking a divorce. However, there are more useless and incompetent marriage counselors and marriage therapists than ever. So it’s best to check out and look for the best marriage counselor or therapist before you go into marriage counseling or marriage therapy.
One mistake people make when entering marriage counseling is by going to a general psychological therapist whose practice isn’t predominately marriage counseling. What happens many times is that a person enters individual counseling and then brings their mate in for marriage counseling or therapy. Therapists who focus primarily on individual therapy don’t, as a rule, make good marriage counselors or marriage therapists. That’s because individual therapy is vastly different from marriage therapy, and so it’s a good idea to select a therapist or counselor whose primary focus is on marriage counseling.
Also, you should never bring a partner into marriage counseling with a therapist who has been helping you because this gives a lopsided view of the situation to the therapist who has already formed an opinion. It’s always best to seek a marriage counselor who is unknown to both of you so that he is more open to hearing and evaluating both sides of the marriage story without any biases.
Always have a phone interview with a marriage counselor or marriage therapist before making an appointment. Alternatively, use the first appointment to ask questions. You need to do this if your marriage is important to you and you want to try and save it. You need the best marriage counselor or therapist to help you. If he thinks asking questions is his monopoly then it’s wise to look elsewhere.
Some things you want to ask questions about are the marriage counselor’s credentials and background. Ask about his or her attitude toward helping salvage relationships as opposed to helping dissolve them. A marriage therapist or counselor who comes down too strictly on either side of the question is probably not a good choice. You want someone neutral, if possible, and you don’t want a marriage therapist who tells you he or she doesn’t believe in divorce. Hopefully, that won’t happen to your marriage, but if it does, you want a marriage counselor who will help both of you by making the decision and any necessary transition.
At any point, you sense biases or unfairness, simply change the therapist. A marriage counselor’s main aim is to give equal support and attention to both partners. A counselor should be objective enough to highlight your problems and issues without making you feel “right” or “wrong.” Quite often, you tend to feel that a therapist is pointing at you again, which can’t be comfortable. If you judge that it’s you who is left alone and not heard frequently, then it is sensible to look out for another marriage counselor. It is not good to be pointed out as a bad guy or girl always. The worse thing that can happen to your bad marriage is a bad marriage therapist.
